Sloshed Santa for Social Distance Warriors


Tis the season to be jolly with pals old and new and when I have the opportunity to join in the Social Distance Warriors Christmas special I jumped at it. It was a night to remember…oh, hang on, sorry, it will be a night to remember because we definitely will be recording it live tomorrow night on Christmas eve.

As part of the fun, I was asked by the Challenge Lord to record a John Lewis like advert, under 1 minute in length, filmed by myself and narrated by myself. It did stump me at first. But then I looked at my Christmas tree and one, particularly erm, interesting Santa and an idea sparked!


The final video above came in at just under a minute. The original script I wrote came in at 1 min 40 seconds. I kept editing it down and finally, finally got it within the rules!  But here, for you my lovelies is my original script so you can admire all the jokes I had to cut out!


Sloshed Santa.


Twas the night before Christmas and Santa had had one too many sherries, He hadn’t meant to, but these things often happen around Christmas, don’t they?  He’d also left the sleigh in gear and the reindeers had flown off back home.

He had one important job left to do and a mountain to climb…well, a Christmas tree, but they’re a similar shape. He had to get a present to the angel on top of the tree. She had been the goodest of good girls and deserved a gift… but the sun was rising, Sloshed Santa was seeing 2 maybe even 3 trees and really just wanted a dirty kebab and a nap.

But he had to get the last present to the angel. He had to!

A thought swum through his sloshed brain and he pressed his magic finger to his ear.

“Skinny Pete? Oh, cus, I need your help!” Santa slurred and like a Christmas miracle, cousin Pete appeared.

“I need a lift to the top of the tree, cus, any suggestions?”

“Drink less?” Pete said with a shake of his head and a chuckle. “Lucky for you Gabby’s staying at mine today, she’ll give you a lift.  Yo, Gabs, give my cus here a lift to the top of the tree wouldya?”

“Fuck sake, Pete, I’m knackered I was just nodding off…”

“Oh, come on, you gotta save Christmas.”

“Of course I do, “Gabby muttered, flying down the tree “can’t expect fucking men to do it. Come on then Santa. Climb on.”

Gabby the angel flew Sloshed Santa to the top of the tree. Where he gave the angel the important gift.

“Thank you, Santa.” She smiled, and opened the parcel and shook out it’s contents, for all the tree’s inhabitants to share.

“It’s a time of sharing after all.” She smiled.

“Who’s bloody littering?” A yell from below echoed up the tree. “Empty sherry bottles all over the damn place…”

“SANTA!” The angel screamed in rage….but Santa had disappeared!

Consume Christmas Spirit responsibly, folks!


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