The pleasure in pleasing…Me!

I really do love to make people happy, in all aspects of my life, including kink but when I was writing my Masturbation Monday Post this week I did think about the importance of not just pleasing others but pleasing me!

I’m learning there is a world of difference between being selfish and self-indulgent. I think the latter is something we all need to be sometimes. I’ve really discovered the importance of this since becoming part of the kink scene 2 years a go. It helped me to think about what I really want and showed me that expressing that is a good thing. And that other people get pleasure from giving me just what I want-win win.

At the beginning of the year I wrote a kinky bucket list . In part inspired by other such writings by friends but also in part by a big event coming up this October.

My 40th birthday.

I am determined that this year will be a year of doing things, saying yes and going on adventures. I keep saying that this year I will stop regretting the things I haven’t done (and hopefully not regret the things I did) because I have spent too much of my life held back by fear.

The fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of looking stupid or doing something wrong.

But God damn it, I’m 40 this year and I’m not going to let unfounded fear stop me any longer.

So far it’s going well. I’ve asked for lots of things I want, bites from friends (hubs has no teeth, I have missed bites) play with hot people.  One of whom I approached after only knowing online in a moment of bravado (the terribly awkward message I sent, might not show much bravery, it’s awfully cute though) and another who I’d known for over a year before plucking up the courage to ask. Others I asked in the heat of the moment and was thrilled that they said yes.

My confidence is growing and as it grows I find I don’t worry so much about inconsequential things. I happily walk around my favourite clubs totally naked now. No one cares! It’s a revelation I tell you.

Asking for what I want is still scary –  rejection isn’t fun, but you know, I’m learning it’s certainly not the end of the world either. But I know it’s worth it.

Making me happy is worth it.

I know that might sound weird, but honestly, I’ve never thought of pleasing myself as something essential.  I suspect a lot of that is embedded in my Christian upbringing. There’s a misconception that does the rounds in church, that to love thy neighbour is what it’s all about. Well actually, the quote is essentially, love others as you love yourself.  So how can you love others, if you don’t love yourself first?


If you don’t have a well of love and compassion inside you, how can you give it to anyone else? I’ve run on empty a few times, and it’s not easy. Giving when you’ve got nothing left is nigh on impossible.

Pleasing me, is important. And you know, there is pleasure for others in pleasing me too. It’s a mutual thing, not a one way street.  Thinking about it, others may be getting the same satisfaction out of making me happy that I get out of making others happy. Now there’s a revelation.

Indulging me, doesn’t mean denying anyone else.  Finding my pleasure doesn’t take away from the pleasure of others. Finding my happiness doesn’t snatch it away from someone else.

Pleasure isn’t limited. There’s plenty to go round. We all deserve our fair share.

You deserve to please yourself as much as I do.

Let’s self-indulge, eh?

And then tell each other about it. Double the pleasure!