My butt asks many questions.
Questions like: Can I take another hit like that? Oh, what is that, I don’t recognise the impact? Can he do that again but harder? Can she hit a different bit of me for a bit? Because OW!
When will I be hit again? Ooh, can I be punched? I like being punched, it reverberates all around and makes me tingle with delight. But then a whipping would be good, can I be whipped? I love the lil’ tiny firework marks and how it hurts so deeply and so sharply. Is that the baseball bat? Can I be smacked with that? That’s just so good and it makes an amazing sound.
Ask that meanie to hit me. She’s just standing there and that one, he’s just watching. Please can you ask them to hit me? The more the merrier, you know! Ooh, how many people are hitting me now? What are they using? What’s that sharp sting? What’s that deep thump? Can you get them to go faster, go harder, hit deeper? Will you ask them to stop? No don’t, don’t let them stop it’s started to feel so good. Get me more, can you get them to give me more?
Okay, who let him have a cane? Why are you letting me be hit with a cane? It hurts and then it hurts after it hits. Why does it hurt even more when it’s gone? Why do I love to hate it so? Stupid, evil cane. How many strikes with this cane can I take? Can I take it any harder? Is it leaving pretty marks? Ooh can I see? Show me a mirror, I wanna see the pretties!
Why am I hurting and why is it so damn good? Why am I so damn hot and tight and tingly? Why the hell did you decide it was a good idea to SIT DOWN?
Why haven’t the council fixed those damn pot holes and how come the driver is going down all the roads with speed bumps on them? Did he have to stop for that red light so sharply? Can’t you learn to sit on your head for times like this?
Why are you trying to sleep? Do you realise there isn’t a part of me that doesn’t hurt? Can’t you just lie on your stomach then? You don’t need blankets do you? Can you take a photo of me? Have the bruises come out? Is it still red? Why did you get hit so late at night? You know we’re not sleeping tonight, right? I’m having too much fun yet!
My questioning ass, people. It’s why I spend so much time being hit. Just to answer her. Honestly, it’s all my butt’s fault.