There are many things in life that make me happy, so if I started a list we could be here all day. As it’s smutober I thought I’d concentrate on what makes kinky me happy.

The masochist in me is also a simple soul. My masochist loves the promise of pain, the anticipation and the build-up. Wondering what is to come is a delicious treat in itself.

There’s glee in bratting, giggling and grinning as I show my cheek to get what I want.

The pain itself brings so much joy, interspersed with moments of ‘oh shit, what have I let myself in for?’ and teeth gritting determination. Laughter bursts forth when a strike makes me dance around, or sway from side to side. New sensations bring a grin as often as a grimace and once the beating is in full force, the contentment shines from my face.

Pride comes when I’m praised for taking something well or when the meanie (I love meanies, they’re my favourite people) pats my back, hugs me, or gives me thanks for giving them the joy of beating me.

The aftermath is joy. Floaty feelings as the world fades back and I revel in the throb, stab, warming of my marks. And then there’s the prods and the pokes and the riding over the wheel of the bus fun of flaring the pain in the following days.  Taking photos of changing bruises, showing them off with pride.

Bring me pain, make me happy.