There are some lessons in life you just never seem to learn and mine revolve around a star. Not one in the sky but a celebrity. A Pop genius, a legend and the love of my life.

Cliff Richard.

No, I’m not sixty and no I’m not a Gran. I’m in my twenties and I am mostly sane. I do have a little aberration when it comes to him. I love him. I go to the concerts, I listen to his music and I am the epitome of a besotted fan girl.

All my boyfriends were judged on their cliffness. John had the quiff but he didn’t have the heart. Steve had the voice and the sensuality but he didn’t have the charm. George was almost perfect but he broke my heart. Well and truly, we don’t talk anymore just doesn’t scratch the surface of how much he hurt me.

It was my mate Donna who sprung a surprise trip out on me. I’d barely passed the pyjamas and chocolate stage of my relationship grieving when she thrust the tickets into my hand. “Friday, me and you and Craggy Rick, no arguments.”

You don’t argue with Donna, she doesn’t give you opportunity to. So Friday I was at the union pub propped up in the corner with Donna, a bottle of wine and Craggy. If you’ve not worked out by now Craggy is a Cliff tribute act. I’ve avoided him for years because let’s face it, no one is going to better Cliff. So I save my money and go to see the man himself.

But Donna was determined I was going to enjoy the night, I had to at least humour her. The three glasses of red wine certainly heightened my enthusiasm. Craggy didn’t sound like my idol and he didn’t look much like him either but he wasn’t half bad.

I’m not sure if it was the wine that mellowed me or if it was the pent up sexual energy from the past months of singledom but Craggy looked pretty tempting to me. He had dark, brooding eyes and a quiff, I like a good, chocolate brown quiff. He was tall, he was charming and his voice was deep and it reverberated within me. I melted.

After the show he came over to our table. I thought he’d been pulled in by Donna’s short skirt and cheeky winks but it soon became apparent I’d been wrong. Donna excused herself after fifteen minutes to go to the ladies but she never came back.

“I’ve always had a passion for Cliff,” Rick explained, “my mum loved him and whenever I listen to his voice it transports me back to my childhood and dancing round the living room with my mum.”

I nodded enthusiastically and put a hand on his knee. He covered it with his own as we continued to chat. He had been a construction worker but when it all became to much for his joints he took up singing professionally. He’s been the karaoke king and was often compared to the ultimate bachelor boy. I was besotted with him, we connected and he ended up escorting me home. Like a gentleman he went in for a soft peck on the cheek, like the devil woman I am I pulled him in not only for a hard, deep snog I dragged him into my house for even more and like the gentleman he was he followed me in with his lucky lips without a moments fuss.

That’s why I like an older man. He was twice my age but he was twice as tender, twice as considerate as lads my own age. He made my body sing, he made my mind explode and it truly felt like we were wired for sound.

And then, then when I woke up I woke to him serenading me. Ocean Deep and the Twelve of Never, what more could a girl want?

I learnt my lesson, no one, no one ever will live up to the standard that is Cliff Richard. He is the one and he is the only. But the best man for me is a man who understands my obsession and not only understands it, he’s part of it. Rick and I married, we went to and from the church in a red, London bus, our first dance was to
My Pretty one and I knew I was going to be happy for the rest of our time together.

From a distance we look like a strange couple, we get criticised all the time but we’re stronger than that. Congratulations to me, this is my kinda life and it’s filled with true love ways.

© Victoria Blisse

Although I am not quite as obsessed as the above lady, this story is brought to you by the 12 year old girl who wrote to a teen magazine to tell them off for taking Cliff Richard’s name in vain. This is the 30 year old woman who went to her first Cliff Richard concert and was pretty much the youngest person there. Yes, I love Cliff Richard and I’m not afraid to say it.

So, if any of you are up for it. I will give your choice of book from my back catalogue to anyone who can tell me how many Cliff Richard song titles/ Lyrics I’ve mentioned in the above example of Flash Fiction. I will accept guesses. ;) Put your answers in the comments below and be sure to place your email in the box provided so I’ll be able to contact you with your prize. I’ll draw the winner next Wednesday!