11th December 2010 - Blissemas - 4 Comments

Christmas Crackers!


One of the best things about Christmas meals isn’t edible at all, it’s the crackers you pull before you start to eat. I think the Christmas cracker is a fairly British thing, but it is something we could never have a festive meal without. The cracker is essentially a rolled up tube of paper with things inside and tied at both ends. They generally have a BANG! inside them so when you pull they make a cracking noise – hence the name.


Inside you’ll find a paper hat, a little novelty toy and a joke. The novelties are usually fairly naff, like the fortune telling fish or a spinning top or the ever hilarious false moustache. The hats are paper and often too big or two small but you have to wear them through the whole meal, it’s the law, honest. The best bit is the joke. It’s awful, really awful but that’s all part of the fun.

Here are some cracker jokes to give you a taste of Brit humour!

Why does Santa have three gardens?So he can ‘ho ho ho’!

Why did the man get the sack from the orange juice factory?Because he couldn’t concentrate.

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?A mince spy.

What did the inflatable teacher at the inflatable school say to the inflatable child caught holding a pin? You let me down, you let your friends down, you let your school down but most of all… you let yourself down.

Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?Because he had a low “elf” esteem!

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?A Holly Davidson!

What do you call a blind dinosaur?A doyouthinkhesawus.

What is Santa’s favourite pizza?One that’s deep pan, crisp and even.

And one courtesy of my 9 year old daughter:

What Phone does Father Christmas use?An iPho-ho-ho-hone.

Brillant, eh? So come on, bring out your worst, lets see who’s joke can make me groan out loud!

Here’s the first awful joke I ever learnt

What do a bald man and a greyhound have in common?
They both make a little hair (hare) go a long way! ;)

4 responses to “Christmas Crackers!”

  1. Debby says:

    I have heard about those crackers. I always wanted to try one out. I will have to see if I can get one here in the USA.

  2. pamela jones says:

    This one make me groan..lol
    “One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a “massive internal fart”.

  3. Victoria Blisse says:

    Debby -they’re very festive!

    Pam, you’ve got the right groanworthy idea there! ;)

  4. SarahM says:

    Oh, the awful puns! But they still made me laugh :-)

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